does that calgon stuff really work?

i am not so keen on my child this week. and i think josephine would say that she’s not so keen on me. i think she’s in a particularly awful rut personality-wise and responds to many of my requests or statements with screaming or whining. this seems like typical three-almost-four behavior and i know i need to endure and things will improve. however, i’m not helping. my reactions to her freak-outs have been less than patient and i’m not proud of the brusk and frustration-filled way i’ve been interacting with her. i know it’s too much to expect that i can always be the calm, collected, fun mom i often berate myself for not being. but i’ve hardly been that mom at all this week and it’s wearing me out.

this summer, for a variety of reasons, has not really gone according to plan. i have my own stuff to deal with, but my waking hours, during which that stuff might be dealt, are spent mainly with a small person who is currently quite cantankerous. she snaps, i snap, she recovers, i take longer to recover, she snaps again, etc. etc. we’re a lethal mix.

she’s been yelling “it’s not fair!” and usually using the protest totally inappropriately, calling something that she just doesn’t want to do “not fair.” i want to explain the subtleties of the concept of fairness to her, but doubt it would do much good. like alanis morrisette, she’s using a term wrong. somebody set alanis straight. who will explain things to josephine?

ned has next week off and we’re vacationing out of town with dear friends. i’m hoping the change of scenery and company does both josephine and i some good.

i have these lovely moments, when i’m rubbing sunscreen into her small, soft shoulders or when she comes up to me in the kitchen and hugs my legs, just because, when i’m melting with love for her and so grateful for my days with her. but, this week, her monster-self is never tucked too far away. and neither is mine.

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3 Responses to “does that calgon stuff really work?”

  • Jayme Says:

    Thank you for being honest about parenting. That just proves what a good mom you are. (Not that anyone had any doubt, my friend.)
    Keep on keeping on and know that being aware of these tough dynamics between you and Joey is half the battle. xoxoxo

  • Allison Says:

    Boo. I know that feeling of frustration with a kid, and the worse feeling of disappointment in yourself as a parent. I know you’re miserable but I sort of love that picture of Josephine. It really captures all of the big emotions of a 3 (or 13) year old kid.

    I am confident that Jesse’s spot-on Chris Farley impersonations will be just what the doctor ordered to lighten the mood. 🙂

  • Allison Says:

    And by “you’re miserable” I mean you are “feeling miserable.” :-/